Dedicated to my twin sister, MacKenzie. 

I’ve been asked this same question with monotonous regularity for 27 years. In the past I have responded with the generic, “It’s a blessing. You’re born with an automatic best friend.” The truth is, it’s so much more than that. I wholeheartedly believe that only twins can fully grasp the relationship shared between one another, and even we cannot exactly describe the unique bond.

As an identical twin, we share the same DNA, which has often lead to the assumption that my sister and I would be exactly alike. Anyone who knows us also knows that this could not be further from the truth. Since we came out of the womb, my sister and I had vastly different personalities. In fact, my parents often joke that my older brother is my real twin, because we share many more personality traits comparatively. To put it in perspective, Kenzie and I recently took a personality test. Her results labeled her the “Nurturing Realist” while I received the “Spontaneous Idealist” title. We got a good laugh out of this, because we refer to ourselves as polar opposites and according to the test, we may in fact be just that.

 Since we were little girls, Kenzie was always the one thinking everything through thoroughly and weighing the consequences, while impulsive control was never my forte. From an early age, I attempted to get Kenzie to engage in my delinquent ways, and while I occasionally succeeded, she usually abstained. From time to time, my parents would go out of town and unbeknownst to them, I would host parties. In our high school days this was called a “free house.” While I was busy socializing, Kenzie would lock herself in her room threatening to call my Mom and Dad. She was the “good” one. I got my license before she did and I used to drive us to school in the morning. We were always running late, mostly because I didn’t like getting out of bed. I was never a morning person. Being late to homeroom meant lunch detention after 3 offenses. Kenzie would jump out of the Jeep at the stop light and run to homeroom to make it before the bell, while I would stroll into the school late and sign her name in place of mine. It was not until she actually received detention that she caught on to my devious tactic. Homework was never really my cup of tea. Kenzie would spend hours completely school work with meticulous accuracy and after she would head to bed, I would sneak into her backpack and copy the assignments. She caught me a few times and would cry to my parents about my unethical ways.

It was rare, but there were times that I was able to corrupt my sister a bit. In 9th grade the school made the mistake of allowing us to be in the same math class. I convinced Kenzie that it would be fun to switch seats on our teacher. We played this joke often and even though the teacher couldn’t tell us apart, the students could. I would raise my hand and when Mrs. G would call me by my sister’s name the entire class would erupt into laughter. Eventually the teacher left a voicemail on my parent’s answering machine hoping to “nip the problem in the bud.” Luckily that message was intercepted (and deleted) by yours truly before my mother and father got home. We were never placed in the same class again from that point forward. While I continued to be a troublemaker, Kenzie was a well-behaved student.

When I was politely asked not to return to my Religious Education class in 10th grade, my sister was unjustly asked to leave as well. I will never forget standing on the corner, waiting for my Mom to pick us up, and MacKenzie repeatedly insisting she did nothing wrong. The teacher later called my parents to inform them that Kenzie was merely an innocent bystander and apologized for removing her from the class as a result of my behavior. Vindication. This was not my finest moment and the embarrassment of having to go beg the Priest to allow me to make my Confirmation lives with me today. That situation irritated my Mom to no end. It was inconceivable to her how anyone could essentially consider us one person, simply because we were born twins. We were still individuals, yet some people did not treat us as such.

All throughout elementary, middle, and high school Kenzie and I were referred to as the “Meyer Twins.” To this day, in my hometown, it’s as if we are one entity. I even have family members who never bothered to learn to tell us apart. Growing up it was rare that we were addressed as Kenzie and Julie by our peers. It was either “The Meyer Twins” “The Meyer’s” or simply “The Twins.” This is a difficult thing to deal with as an adolescent who is trying to figure out their identity as it is. I believe this is part of what breeds the competitive spirit that exists amongst twins. It’s not entirely a bad thing, because it pushes you to work that much harder at everything you engage in. Twins are always around one another and as a result, they are constantly compared. When it came to school, sports, friends and anything we were involved in, we competed. We wanted to be better than one another, in my opinion, to make a name for ourselves. We knew that being compared was inevitable, so striving to be better than each other was a defense mechanism.This, of course, led to a lot of fighting growing up. There were even times when both of us professed our desire to not have a twin. Twin siblings can be in a vicious verbal (and sometimes physical) battle with one another one moment and best friends again a few short minutes later. It’s a phenomenon that is baffling for others to watch. The other thing about twins is that we are the first to come to each other’s defense in any situation. Kenzie was a bit of an “easy” target in high school, because she has a heart of gold (which I admire) and certain people would attempt to take advantage of her kindness. Not on my watch. Anyone who has been through high school knows kids can be mean. There was a group of older girls who disliked my sister for simply no reason other than jealousy. They would send horrible instant messages (remember AIM?) to her and seeing her upset understandably irked me immensely. She was too kind to stand up for herself the way I saw fit, and one evening I decided to take things into my own hands. This group of girls decided to prank phone call my sweet twin. Big mistake. I got on the phone and started to give these heathens a piece of my mind, as well as my address, and told them I would be waiting outside for them. They ended up hanging up on me and never bothered my sister again. Twins can insult one another, but when it comes to protecting each other from harm, it’s innate.

The desire for individuality prompted us to choose different colleges. I did, however, convince my homebody of a sister to spend a semester abroad in Australia with me. I literally filled out her application along with mine and left her little to no choice in the matter. As my parents said their goodbyes to us at the airport, I couldn’t get on the plane fast enough while my Dad had to practically push my poor sister through security. In addition, my parents had to make and impromptu trip Down Under just to get my sister to see the semester through. Aside from those few months abroad, Kenzie and I have lived separately since leaving for college. This was a decision that has strengthened our relationship remarkably. Seeing one another has become a gift rather than an expectation. In my opinion, living apart from your twin is essential for not just your relationship, but also personal growth. You become an individual rather than a packaged deal. You gain a sense of independence that is difficult to develop when you’re constantly associated to another human being. Ironically, distance has brought us closer together.

Back to the original age-old question, “So, what’s it like to be a twin?” The answer is I don’t know anything different, but I wouldn’t want to. My relationship with Kenzie is one of the greatest blessings bestowed upon me in my life. The older I get, the more grateful I am for this gift. While I may never be able to verbalize the exceptional connection shared between twins, it’s always there no matter how far we are from one another, or how different the directions of our lives are headed in. She holds a place in my heart that is hers alone. She is mine and I am hers. The bond is in a sense, inexplicable, but that’s what makes it so special.

 Love and Light,

Meyer’s Grace